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Off-Topic Loneliness and social issues

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This is not an issue I have, but I can relate to it anyway. When I was 26 I broke up with my high school girlfriend and was a bit concerned about how to meet girls. And talking to girls can be more intimidating than meeting new friends. I studied, learned and got good at it like any other thing. You can try to do the same.
 
Personally, I found being unquestionably myself was the best way to attract the right people into your life. The people who like you for you will stick around and the ones who really don't like you take themselves out.

There may be less people in my life than before but they're allot better quality.
 
Ask people questions and get them to talk about themselves. It's pretty interesting when you can draw out things that they might be wanting to talk about but the people ordinarily in their lives have stopped listening. They will walk away feeling good and enjoy your company.

Anna, I do take interest and I thought I did do this but I will try harder, thanks
 
Personally, I found being unquestionably myself was the best way to attract the right people into your life. The people who like you for you will stick around and the ones who really don't like you take themselves out.

There may be less people in my life than before but they're allot better quality.

I like what you say Adam and it resonates with me in that maybe I worry too much about trying to please veryones expectations of my views... too Liberal if that makes sense!
 
This is not an issue I have, but I can relate to it anyway. When I was 26 I broke up with my high school girlfriend and was a bit concerned about how to meet girls. And talking to girls can be more intimidating than meeting new friends. I studied, learned and got good at it like any other thing. You can try to do the same.

Oscar, thanks and you’re right, I will improve
 
As a fellow introvert, I'll add what I can. I think there's an important balance between knowing when to pretend like you're an extrovert and when to indulge your introvertedness. I can count on one hand the friends that I can just sit and shoot the breeze with. They're people I know well, have interesting things to say, and they can carry a conversation without much help. When it comes to run of the mill social interactions, people do love to talk about themselves; finding the line between being interested and being prying can be tricky but worthwhile. Mostly, I like to develop relationships by doing things with people. Being social for the sake of being social doesn't work well for me. I know how it feels when work and family are the only things you "do," and you don't relate to anyone at work. I was only in that situation for a year, but it was a little rough, to be sure. I don't have much else to add, and pretty much everything I've said has already been said at least once anyways (I also recommend the book Quiet). Just know that your not insane ;)

For what it's worth, my wife is even more introverted than me, and our two year old son is turning out to be a raging extrovert, at least compared to us. If your kids want social interaction, you may just have to allow them to be in situations where they can develop social skill via trial and error, with a little guidance.

I love that phrase... ‘sit and shoot the breeze with’

Thanks for your words though, maybe it’s a confidence thing and the reality is people to like me I just never give them the opportunity to have me around as I’m quite busy running a business too.

I totally get the sociable for the sake of being sociable though, that’s me, don’t like it at all haha
 
A tad late to the discussion, but anyway...

I don't have kids, but I'm a tad introverted. I'm the son of the most introverted person I know, so I guess I'm in a sort of mirror image of your position and your kids @yorkshirecomrade . I get on fine in social situations but I find it exhausting.

When I was a teenager, I remember when my dad was not letting my brother go to some party. My brother was really annoyed and accused my dad of stunting us socially, by denying us these experiences, and of making us lonely like himself. That of course wasn't true; my dad only wanted the best for us. But he took it to heart and it is the only time I've seen him, usually stone faced, visibly hurt.

I've remembered his answer, and think about it often, for about ten years. He said that if you choose to be kind, generous, good humoured, honest, brave and if you don't take yourself too seriously, then you can make up for any lack of social skill. The people who matter won't care that you're not the most slick or charming person. Would you rather be a John Wayne or a Hugh Grant?

It's working for me. I have about 5 friends - not including my dog. It doesn't bother me that I don't have more. These are real "bury a body buddies." Interestingly, they are all massive extroverts and socialites. As a group, we have some balance, their extroverted qualities push me to go out of my comfort zone, and my more introverted qualities, I hope, encourage them to be more considered and thoughtful.

I'm not saying social skills don't matter and I agree with the above advice: practise social interaction but recognise the values of introversion, read Quiet. Spending time alone is no bad thing, necessarily.

Also, don't fret. You have a family; you must be doing something right.

Sorry for the rambling, I hope there is something of value in the above.

From a fellow Yorkshireman
 
For what it's worth, my wife is even more introverted than me, and our two year old son is turning out to be a raging extrovert, at least compared to us. If your kids want social interaction, you may just have to allow them to be in situations where they can develop social skill via trial and error, with a little guidance.

Pretty much the same -both me and my partner are pretty introverted and socially awkward - we choose to be anti social! For some strange reason my daughter is the most social creature going, always happy to go and make friends/interact wherever we go - to the point it forces us to have to interact with the other kids parents.
 
For some strange reason my daughter is the most social creature going, always happy to go and make friends/interact wherever we go - to the point it forces us to have to interact with the other kids parents.
Doggone kids. Forcing us to grow and develop outside our comfort zone. That's some kind of crap. I was hoping that my wife and I could grow old and curmudgeony together, but at this rate we might actually have friends our entire lives. The best laid plans...
 
ok, I’m going to keep this fairly brief.

Has anyone struggled with and overcome loneliness and social interaction issues?

I have a young family, 2 sons (4&2) and we never seem to be invited to bbq’s or parties or celebrating birthdays etc of our friends. I know my own issues, I struggle with small talk and I find interaction with strangers quite difficult to initiate or sustain.

Has anyone ever felt similar or had similar issues and come out the other side? Cheers

I am Norwegian, and we tend to be horrible at small talking, sceptical to strangers and fond of spending time for ourselves out in the wild. Followingly, I think I know where you are coming from. :)

First of all: Having less than average social needs is not a problem in itself. On the contrary, it is important to aknowledge that you don't in fact strive for being as social as possibly at all times. For example, a lot of people (even Norwegians) love to hang out and have some beers with their colleagues after work on Friday afternoons. Personally, I have never had much interest of participating in such rituals. Not because I dislike the people I work with, but because my social needs tend to be more than covered after a working week. Followingly, I will often find my dog a much more stimulating company than a crowd of people.

If a social setting drains your emotional energy, rather than boost it, then you may be better off without it. Of course, there are social obligations linked to the roles of being a parent, a colleague, a neighbour etc. But it doesn't mean that the more social interactions you participate in and handle, the better your life will be.

Young kids are another matter, of course. Being overly introvert and isolated often comes with big costs in ones childhood development. But social acceptance is a lot easier for little kids, luckily. Social interactions amongst parents with kids the same age, tend to float well once they have been initiated. And in a few years, there are probably numerous sports/activites your kids can do, that will give numerous benefits, including social ones.
 
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