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Off-Topic Strength Humor: Bad Dad Jokes/Puns

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Philippe Geoffrion

Philippe Geoffrion

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Westsider and Girlfriend are talking over text.

Westsider: I can't today Kate. I have to go train!
Girlfriend: But you're always training with you gym friends! You've really been so engrossed in your lifting, it's like it's taken over you and you're so detached. We're supposed to celebrate our anniversary....What are you goin to do for ME today!?!?
Westsider: Kate I all ready told you this... Max effort day is Monday. Today is Speed Work!!! Gah...this is why we always argue!
 
Kid is biking to school. The ride is long and strenuous. His backpack is heavy with textbooks galore. He trudges up and down hills, over bumps and curbs. It wears him. He pulls up to a stoplight. Ah finally a break. Grabs a little water and gulps it down, letting out a nice exhaled "ahhh". He returns the bottle and realizes the bike feels funny. He worriedly searches around, sees his tire and says "Oh Great! Flat". He has no inflator with him. He scans his surroundings. In the distance a way, something catches his eye. In fact, he's shocked he even missed it! Off in the distance was a sight that nearly made him drop his bike. A monster of a man rumbled his way. Lats flared, shoulders bulging out like a barn door, peaked traps that mount Olympus would envy, neck non existent. As he approaches, the young lad stares in awe. Stunned, as the sun disappears and only the silhouette of this mastodon remains, the boy looks up. After a giant gulp, he manages to mutter while cowering..."Sir, can you help". The man stops like the sound of tank treads ceasing. He looks down at the lad and says "Of course kid. I've always got a pump."
 
Guy who always complains and talks too much even though he has a lot going for him:

"Man, my deadlift is going nowhere! My total isn't where it should be! I train and train and it just hasn't gotten any better! I mean, I guess these short arms making my press pretty great, and a lot of guys would like that, but like, come one! I just wish I was a better puller ya know?"

Guy who sits stoically, always listening to people's problems and replies with profound statements that the complainer never wants to hear:

"Yup. Life's a bench."
 
Guy who's never deadlifted before: I don't know if I should, it looks like it will hurt my back
Friend: Why don't you try sumo?
Guy: Who can I do sumo if I haven't done anything yet?
Friend.....you're killing me Smalls.
 
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