danliftweightgood
Level 1 Valued Member
This is a big "Thank You" card with a story. And here's the story:
I can't remember where I read this, but Pavel said something like "When short on time, train grip and abs." But before I go any further, I have a joke for you:
"So a guy walks into an SFG Level 1 Certification with a terrible attitude and believing that he is woefully unprepared, and that failure is inevitable. Three days pass, and the same guy walks out of that same SFG Level 1 Certification as a certified instructor with a big, stupid smile on his face and a StrongFirst t-shirt on his torso."
Get it? Neither do I! But I think it's hilarious.
A bit about me: My attitude is terrible. If I were running for President this year, my slogan would be "Who cares, everything is horrible." However, it is a driving force. I treat victory as a sort of spite, and failure as something inevitable (How am I still single?). But I think all of that changed this weekend.
For me, kettlebell training started 2 years ago. I made very, very quick progress: 200 32KG 1ASW's in 10 minutes no problem; Complexes with double 32KGs; A beast TGU. That was 2014. 2015 rolls around, and everything goes to hell. I start jacking up my lower back on the regular; so bad that I can't finish a snatch test. I can't even get in 100 swings with a 24KG. Sometimes, somehow, I'd find a way to get my glutes back into the game, make a little progress, but then it'd happen again. Back to the suck. And then my shoulders joined my back. Sore. Ow. All jacked up. And my Terrible Attitude Ego chanting, "See? All that progress for nothing. You can't even hit a rep without looking like a drunken mudskipper. Nice level 1 prep, Sisyphus." And that was my year. Failure & Frustration.
So the clock hits 2016. My cert is in 2 months. It is as plain as Protestantism that this training is not working. At this point, I'm fed up with kettlebells. The hell with them. Maybe they aren't for me. So I stop. Entirely. I have 60 days to get un-hurt and un-miserable. I'm going to this ***king cert, even if it's just to hate every minute of it. I want those 3 days to either save the kettlebell for me, or condemn them permanently. "NO REFUNDS" is a fantastic motivator. If I could have gotten my money back, I am positive I wouldn't have gone. Absolutely Positive.
Whatever. ***k it. Let's make this interesting. Training-for-Kettlebell-Training-without-Training-with-Kettlebells (What a catchy name for a book!) What's my biggest concern for this cert? The snatch test. What about it? Grip failure. Bell flying. A Master Instructor beating me over the head with a clipboard. Solution: Train grip. Easiest way? Grippy Thingies. To amazon! Rushed delivery. My 3 Captains of Crush crushers arrived in 2 days. Meet Mr. Sport, Mr. Trainer, and Senoir Nombre Uno.
Next! What's my biggest weakness? Core strength. By far. My Pavelizer has sat neglected in corner of my apartment for months. It'll clean up my lower back issues, and add a little something for the ladies to look at. I should have been doing this daily to begin with. Do what you can, with what you have, where you are...right? God, I hate admitting it when a liberal is right.
Lastly! I need one more exercise for this regimen. I like trinities - Holy or "Other". So what is the most intense, full-body, psychologically intimidating movement I've come across? What's the big suck? And, more importantly, what is something I really, really want to master...for no other reason than, "Damn, look what I can do!"? Easy. Pistol squat. Might as well start training for the bodyweight cert if I'm such a god-awful bell swinger.
My regimen was stupid simple:
5 rounds:
Pistol 1+1
Pavelizer 5
CoC 5+5
I would do one round. Stop. Play 10 minutes of Destiny (a soul-sucking Xbox game), and then repeat. I don't need to waste precious video game time just because I'm training to fail a cert. Err...I'll at least make some serious progress on my Warlock class. He never whines about back soreness. He just shoots lightening bolts from his fingers and floats around in the air. Bet he could nail a snatch test. You gotta train if you want to defeat Oryx - the King of the Hive scourge. And hey, my CoC has really upped my button pushing abilities!
So that's my strength plan. But what else can I do? Where do I go when my body sucks? Why, Dr. Scott DC, CCEP, CGFI, ART Full Body Certified - just outside of Pittsburgh. If you're in Pitt, you owe it to yourself to see this man. He says my shoulder mobility sucks. Homework is band strengthening, couch stretch, box stretch. 5 sets of 5. Who else do I know? Sean Cerqua at Pittsburgh Kettlebell & Performance. He's a GS guy, but he's a master of the art of mobility torture. He's brought me to tears more than once with the art of external rotation. I get in 3 sessions with him. Now, who else? Who do you know that can spot-check everything Hard Style in a couple hours? Andrey Patenko, SFG 2, RKC 2, Systema Instructor, Russian Special Forces of Badassery. I hop in the car and head to the Philadelphia suburbs for 2 hours of form evaluation. Let me say this. I am not small. I am not week. I am not timid. I enjoy giving and receiving punches in some sick, sadistic manner. But. When in the presence of a Slavic Gentleman such as Andrey, I'm acutely aware of how easily this man can kill me, gut me, and then serve Dan Flavored Meatloaf for that evening's dinner. My point: A certain kind of discipline comes from training with someone like that. You are very, very grateful that his strengths and abilities are on our side. Appreciate it. Learn from it.
There, done. Rehab. Form check. Minimalist strength program that won't hurt me. Plenty of Warlock time. NO REFUND policy. I'm ready to fail with my best effort.
I can't remember where I read this, but Pavel said something like "When short on time, train grip and abs." But before I go any further, I have a joke for you:
"So a guy walks into an SFG Level 1 Certification with a terrible attitude and believing that he is woefully unprepared, and that failure is inevitable. Three days pass, and the same guy walks out of that same SFG Level 1 Certification as a certified instructor with a big, stupid smile on his face and a StrongFirst t-shirt on his torso."
Get it? Neither do I! But I think it's hilarious.
A bit about me: My attitude is terrible. If I were running for President this year, my slogan would be "Who cares, everything is horrible." However, it is a driving force. I treat victory as a sort of spite, and failure as something inevitable (How am I still single?). But I think all of that changed this weekend.
For me, kettlebell training started 2 years ago. I made very, very quick progress: 200 32KG 1ASW's in 10 minutes no problem; Complexes with double 32KGs; A beast TGU. That was 2014. 2015 rolls around, and everything goes to hell. I start jacking up my lower back on the regular; so bad that I can't finish a snatch test. I can't even get in 100 swings with a 24KG. Sometimes, somehow, I'd find a way to get my glutes back into the game, make a little progress, but then it'd happen again. Back to the suck. And then my shoulders joined my back. Sore. Ow. All jacked up. And my Terrible Attitude Ego chanting, "See? All that progress for nothing. You can't even hit a rep without looking like a drunken mudskipper. Nice level 1 prep, Sisyphus." And that was my year. Failure & Frustration.
So the clock hits 2016. My cert is in 2 months. It is as plain as Protestantism that this training is not working. At this point, I'm fed up with kettlebells. The hell with them. Maybe they aren't for me. So I stop. Entirely. I have 60 days to get un-hurt and un-miserable. I'm going to this ***king cert, even if it's just to hate every minute of it. I want those 3 days to either save the kettlebell for me, or condemn them permanently. "NO REFUNDS" is a fantastic motivator. If I could have gotten my money back, I am positive I wouldn't have gone. Absolutely Positive.
Whatever. ***k it. Let's make this interesting. Training-for-Kettlebell-Training-without-Training-with-Kettlebells (What a catchy name for a book!) What's my biggest concern for this cert? The snatch test. What about it? Grip failure. Bell flying. A Master Instructor beating me over the head with a clipboard. Solution: Train grip. Easiest way? Grippy Thingies. To amazon! Rushed delivery. My 3 Captains of Crush crushers arrived in 2 days. Meet Mr. Sport, Mr. Trainer, and Senoir Nombre Uno.
Next! What's my biggest weakness? Core strength. By far. My Pavelizer has sat neglected in corner of my apartment for months. It'll clean up my lower back issues, and add a little something for the ladies to look at. I should have been doing this daily to begin with. Do what you can, with what you have, where you are...right? God, I hate admitting it when a liberal is right.
Lastly! I need one more exercise for this regimen. I like trinities - Holy or "Other". So what is the most intense, full-body, psychologically intimidating movement I've come across? What's the big suck? And, more importantly, what is something I really, really want to master...for no other reason than, "Damn, look what I can do!"? Easy. Pistol squat. Might as well start training for the bodyweight cert if I'm such a god-awful bell swinger.
My regimen was stupid simple:
5 rounds:
Pistol 1+1
Pavelizer 5
CoC 5+5
I would do one round. Stop. Play 10 minutes of Destiny (a soul-sucking Xbox game), and then repeat. I don't need to waste precious video game time just because I'm training to fail a cert. Err...I'll at least make some serious progress on my Warlock class. He never whines about back soreness. He just shoots lightening bolts from his fingers and floats around in the air. Bet he could nail a snatch test. You gotta train if you want to defeat Oryx - the King of the Hive scourge. And hey, my CoC has really upped my button pushing abilities!
So that's my strength plan. But what else can I do? Where do I go when my body sucks? Why, Dr. Scott DC, CCEP, CGFI, ART Full Body Certified - just outside of Pittsburgh. If you're in Pitt, you owe it to yourself to see this man. He says my shoulder mobility sucks. Homework is band strengthening, couch stretch, box stretch. 5 sets of 5. Who else do I know? Sean Cerqua at Pittsburgh Kettlebell & Performance. He's a GS guy, but he's a master of the art of mobility torture. He's brought me to tears more than once with the art of external rotation. I get in 3 sessions with him. Now, who else? Who do you know that can spot-check everything Hard Style in a couple hours? Andrey Patenko, SFG 2, RKC 2, Systema Instructor, Russian Special Forces of Badassery. I hop in the car and head to the Philadelphia suburbs for 2 hours of form evaluation. Let me say this. I am not small. I am not week. I am not timid. I enjoy giving and receiving punches in some sick, sadistic manner. But. When in the presence of a Slavic Gentleman such as Andrey, I'm acutely aware of how easily this man can kill me, gut me, and then serve Dan Flavored Meatloaf for that evening's dinner. My point: A certain kind of discipline comes from training with someone like that. You are very, very grateful that his strengths and abilities are on our side. Appreciate it. Learn from it.
There, done. Rehab. Form check. Minimalist strength program that won't hurt me. Plenty of Warlock time. NO REFUND policy. I'm ready to fail with my best effort.