Loneliness and social issues

Discussion in 'Everything Else' started by yorkshirecomrade, Jun 30, 2018.

  1. Oscar

    Oscar Strong, Powerful Member of the Forum

    This is not an issue I have, but I can relate to it anyway. When I was 26 I broke up with my high school girlfriend and was a bit concerned about how to meet girls. And talking to girls can be more intimidating than meeting new friends. I studied, learned and got good at it like any other thing. You can try to do the same.
     
    Bret S. and yorkshirecomrade like this.
  2. Adam R Mundorf

    Adam R Mundorf Helping Make Others Stronger

    Personally, I found being unquestionably myself was the best way to attract the right people into your life. The people who like you for you will stick around and the ones who really don't like you take themselves out.

    There may be less people in my life than before but they're allot better quality.
     
  3. yorkshirecomrade

    yorkshirecomrade Triple-Digit Post Count

    Anna, I do take interest and I thought I did do this but I will try harder, thanks
     
  4. yorkshirecomrade

    yorkshirecomrade Triple-Digit Post Count

    I like what you say Adam and it resonates with me in that maybe I worry too much about trying to please veryones expectations of my views... too Liberal if that makes sense!
     
    Shahaf Levin likes this.
  5. yorkshirecomrade

    yorkshirecomrade Triple-Digit Post Count

    Oscar, thanks and you’re right, I will improve
     
    Oscar likes this.
  6. yorkshirecomrade

    yorkshirecomrade Triple-Digit Post Count

    I love that phrase... ‘sit and shoot the breeze with’

    Thanks for your words though, maybe it’s a confidence thing and the reality is people to like me I just never give them the opportunity to have me around as I’m quite busy running a business too.

    I totally get the sociable for the sake of being sociable though, that’s me, don’t like it at all haha
     
    Snowman likes this.
  7. Augustus F-N

    Augustus F-N Triple-Digit Post Count

    A tad late to the discussion, but anyway...

    I don't have kids, but I'm a tad introverted. I'm the son of the most introverted person I know, so I guess I'm in a sort of mirror image of your position and your kids @yorkshirecomrade . I get on fine in social situations but I find it exhausting.

    When I was a teenager, I remember when my dad was not letting my brother go to some party. My brother was really annoyed and accused my dad of stunting us socially, by denying us these experiences, and of making us lonely like himself. That of course wasn't true; my dad only wanted the best for us. But he took it to heart and it is the only time I've seen him, usually stone faced, visibly hurt.

    I've remembered his answer, and think about it often, for about ten years. He said that if you choose to be kind, generous, good humoured, honest, brave and if you don't take yourself too seriously, then you can make up for any lack of social skill. The people who matter won't care that you're not the most slick or charming person. Would you rather be a John Wayne or a Hugh Grant?

    It's working for me. I have about 5 friends - not including my dog. It doesn't bother me that I don't have more. These are real "bury a body buddies." Interestingly, they are all massive extroverts and socialites. As a group, we have some balance, their extroverted qualities push me to go out of my comfort zone, and my more introverted qualities, I hope, encourage them to be more considered and thoughtful.

    I'm not saying social skills don't matter and I agree with the above advice: practise social interaction but recognise the values of introversion, read Quiet. Spending time alone is no bad thing, necessarily.

    Also, don't fret. You have a family; you must be doing something right.

    Sorry for the rambling, I hope there is something of value in the above.

    From a fellow Yorkshireman
     
  8. Glen

    Glen Strong, Powerful Member of the Forum

    Pretty much the same -both me and my partner are pretty introverted and socially awkward - we choose to be anti social! For some strange reason my daughter is the most social creature going, always happy to go and make friends/interact wherever we go - to the point it forces us to have to interact with the other kids parents.
     
    Snowman likes this.
  9. Snowman

    Snowman Strong Member of the Forum

    Doggone kids. Forcing us to grow and develop outside our comfort zone. That's some kind of crap. I was hoping that my wife and I could grow old and curmudgeony together, but at this rate we might actually have friends our entire lives. The best laid plans...
     
    Glen and Bret S. like this.
  10. Groove Greaser

    Groove Greaser Triple-Digit Post Count

    I don't doubt it. This is one of the few forums I spend time on for a reason!

    (Another is Mr. Money Mustache - but I don't post there too much. I highly recommend his blog and the forums if you're into FIRE [Financial Independence / Retire Early])

    Cheers
     
    Adam R Mundorf likes this.
  11. Pantrolyx

    Pantrolyx Double-Digit Post Count

    I am Norwegian, and we tend to be horrible at small talking, sceptical to strangers and fond of spending time for ourselves out in the wild. Followingly, I think I know where you are coming from. :)

    First of all: Having less than average social needs is not a problem in itself. On the contrary, it is important to aknowledge that you don't in fact strive for being as social as possibly at all times. For example, a lot of people (even Norwegians) love to hang out and have some beers with their colleagues after work on Friday afternoons. Personally, I have never had much interest of participating in such rituals. Not because I dislike the people I work with, but because my social needs tend to be more than covered after a working week. Followingly, I will often find my dog a much more stimulating company than a crowd of people.

    If a social setting drains your emotional energy, rather than boost it, then you may be better off without it. Of course, there are social obligations linked to the roles of being a parent, a colleague, a neighbour etc. But it doesn't mean that the more social interactions you participate in and handle, the better your life will be.

    Young kids are another matter, of course. Being overly introvert and isolated often comes with big costs in ones childhood development. But social acceptance is a lot easier for little kids, luckily. Social interactions amongst parents with kids the same age, tend to float well once they have been initiated. And in a few years, there are probably numerous sports/activites your kids can do, that will give numerous benefits, including social ones.
     
    Groove Greaser likes this.

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