After raising three kids I can give a little advice. If you want your kids to feel safe they need to have some guardrails and discipline, if not they flail in the wind. I treated my kids firmly yet respectfully, firmness when applied improperly can be damaging. Whatever discipline you impose upon your kids has to make sense.. Also, it needs to be perceived as 'fair'.
My eldest daughter used to slam her bedroom door if she got mad, I warned her to stop or there would be consequences.. She didn't so I took the door off the hinges haha... no more door slamming problem